I'm not Gossip Girl, I'm Gossip God!

Now I have been working at my job for a while now and the most frustrating, unpredictable, repetitive job at my work requires me to call individuals on a daily basis…

The only part about it that I really look forward to is Pocket Gossip…

Define: Pocket Gossip

Pocket Gossip: When a Caller overhears a call they make when the Recipient of a Callers phone call is addressed specifically to the Recipient. For whatever reason, if the Recipient unknowingly answers the phone call being made to them and carries on for the next few minutes without realizing they are amidst a “live” phone call than it classifies as “Pocket, Gossip!”

Define: Jury Duty

Jury Duty: When a “live” call is answered or connected to you at work between you and another caller and there is an assault, murder, or violent crime in the back ground taking place that you can clearly identify and hear to become classified as a witness suspect to the case is recognized as a term within our company called “Jury Duty” because you have no choice but to report to court and deal with the legal systems and you can’t go to work for the duration of time the specific case takes because you must stand as a witness to provide information for evidence to clarify the case and to guide the legal systems to arrive to an appropriate verdict directly related to the incidence.

“Jury Duty” calls suck and they are god damn stressful. But the odds of you getting a call like a “Jury Duty” are like similar to winning the lottery. It may never happen… But if it does happen it is policy to report it immediately because if the police ever find out what you overheard without directly reporting the incident immediately after occurrence. Than you’re fucked… You can do some Fucking Time! That’s not something I would be willing to risk!

Anyways, there was this one dude from another one of our locations and he did some damn hard time in prison for not reporting that “Jury Duty” call shit… His wife was a babe apparently! I feel sorry for her… He probably got butt-fucked so hard in prison that it turned him gay…

I think I may come in first place this year…

“First in what?”

You’ll find out

…let’s just get onto my potential 1^st place winning story and potential proud recipient of a 1 week vacation to the Dominican!

Read on for my story…

… I called a girl on my list about 3 months ago and after a few rings someone answered the phone with no response… Yet I could hear some background chatter going on…

“What’s that?” I wondered to myself. “Yesss!!!”

It was “Pocket Gossip!” Now this is something every employee looks forward too the most, each and every shift they will ever work while being employed under the helm of this company. This is the hot topic almost 24/7 amongst the office employees and employers. Awards are given out for the best “Pocket, Gossip!” every Year! Gift packages are also given out to the top 3 places in upwards of $4000 family getaways for the best

 “Pocket, Gossip!”

… We take this Shit, Seriously OK! Notice how…

“Pocket, Gossip!”

…is now its own paragraph? Yes? Well that’s to elevate the importance of

“Pocket, Gossip!”

Ok! So I’ll stop doing that, now that you get the

“Point!”

I placed a lousy 4th out of our 220 locations, 1400 employees for “Pocket, Gossip!” last year. I was disappointed… I got fucking flowers… I work so hard for that one juicy situation. I was so keen on “Pocket, Gossip!” and I fucked it… But this year was different.

“Woohoo, Lucky Me!” I thought to myself.

 I happened to come across a “Pocket, Gossip!”, from what sounded like a group of older girls, as they were chit chatting about the bar they went to the other night.

This is the moment I anticipate the most every shift I work!

The loudest voice and obvious owner of the phone said she blew this really hot dude a few nights ago in a stall at the ladies washroom, but she didn’t even remember what he looked like except for the fact that the guy had brown hair and he was tall and handsome. She mentioned that she wished she had gotten his number so they could hook up and fuck the shit out of each other that night!

“Dyamn that sounds like me!” I thought to myself as I reflected on my metrosexuality. With great anticipation, my brain almost fried itself thinking about all of the possibilities and epic stories I could draw from this.

This was it. My chance to follow up with this “Pocket, Gossip!” and become a legend… a hero to the company… No    …

“A God”

I quickly hung up and scribbled down her number.

Exactly 60 minutes later, I texted her, not to be suspicious and brought up a nice drawn out conversation relating to the bar. I dirtied it up a bit right away though to get one indication across… Sex and only sex. She would be my bitch and I would get to fuck the shit out of her. The first line I dropped her harmonized the tone for the situation leading up to my epic “Pocket, Gossip!” story.

“Hey Bar-Star, I’m sure you can agree on one thing and that is the fact that girls Blow at everything… Not to mention the fact that you are pretty fine at Blowing me ;-) .”

The response I got almost made me vomit. I’m pretty sure she got the fucking point because that is the fastest I have ever experienced a girl sending a picture of her vag so quickly to me. At first glance and sheer surprise I almost puked. Only at first glance the picture she sent me looked like some half eaten soggy hamburger with drizzles of ketchup and mustard oozing out. I looked again and it was actually a nice fine toight vag! No idea how I got that first image in my head… But the mind can play fine tricks on you sometimes when you are caught off guard, especially in a situation like this. Anyways, Just like that, I had bagged myself an easy pussy. (Sorry for the language it is necessary for my epic “Pocket, Gossip!”story)

She was now under my control and I knew at that moment that I would have to accept this challenge and take home first prize this year at the “Pocket, Gossip!” awards no matter how graphic the story got. I had to fucking win! As I smooth talked her she sent me more photos of her babe-ass body. As retarded as this shit sounds, I had to role play, so I grabbed the nearest ruler on my desk set up, my phone camera and sent her a picture with ruler in hand and an angry determinant look on my face.

Captioned “I need to teach naughty girls like you a lesson.”

Long story short, I end up on her doorstep the next evening, nervous as shit, but ready to walk in and slap her face with my dick.

Her name is Lisha by the way.

Not Cool story. A dude answers the door. I almost freaked out and wondered what the fuck I had gotten myself into and who the fuck this was, however I decided to play it cool because I didn’t want to get fucked up. I figured this might be her brother anyways…

He asked me quizzically, “Hey, are you Rick?”

“Yeah” I replied, “who are you?”

He replied to me calmly, “I’m Dave, Lisha’s boyfriend, come on in.”

I was pretty fucking hesitant at this point because I didn’t see Lisha, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to get raped by this dude or straight up slaughtered… He was calmly hesitant too for being her boyfriend…

The world is a twisted fucking place sometimes, especially humans… The shit we do to one another leaves me speechless sometimes and my situation could have been that next “Breaking News” story for all I knew.

Suddenly, a soft voice called my name out in the background. It was Lisha and she was just coming down the stairs. I took a quick glance at her body and virtually high fived myself in my head. She was a babe. Her eyes were as blue as the sky and holy fuck her ass looked like a pornstars ass which was paired up with a nice rack to match. Giggedy giggedy!

To get to the point…

Epic Story: Lisha’s and her boyfriend are swingers, and he wants to film me fucking his girlfriend on camera.

Righteous Story: Lisha’s boyfriend does not get involved whilst us getting our freak on.

That blessed video is somewhere among the archives of a database that goes by the name YouPorn. You may never find my video on there, but for the most part, I had a mighty fine time that night and her boyfriend was cool with it. It’s not something I would be willing to do again, but hands down, I think I’m in the running for top prize this year, so I will definitely let you know how it pans out.

Anyways,

I’m out.. Long day ahead of me and more shit to come.

Rick

That damn shoot!

I was so prepared for that photo shoot today but I really didn’t give a shit about it either way. Now everyone’s going to want to know how it went. I honestly don’t care though Kurtis and Dayna will probably just ask a few questions about how it went and I will just tell them it was a nice setting and really not give a fuck. I’m a good actor, I can make up anything... and make it believable because I am am portrayed as an extremely honest person.

Sometimes I would just rather tell a white lie than the truth because in reality, I don’t really care about what others think in the end. I can easily cover up the photo shoot and make it seem like I was just highly uninterested in how it went to make myself look awesome. I honestly get annoyed with everyone at work sometimes because they are what you would call teenagers in grown-ups bodies... Pre-Adults perhaps... They are young enough where drama is still capable of being involved in their lives, yet they are old enough to realize that they should stop bitching about everything. It’s fucking ridiculous because everyone tells me their secrets because I am extremely easy to talk to and I am a very understanding individual.

You should see the shit that goes on sometimes, it’s like I’m a big box and they just dump their secrets into me and sometimes I’ll let a secret or two slip in the office to a certain individual that the secret pertains to, to make shit hit the fan.

For instance here's a fucking outrageous one  Dayna let me in on last week.. I swear she was trying to find an excuse to throw me under the bus… Anyways, last week Dayna left a few bottles of prescription pills out in the open at her apartment and due to her clumsiness, she almost killed her co-workers dog that had gotten into her bottle of pills and ate a number of them. (If you don’t know Dayna, please read my first blog… She is quite stereotypical [-->  Welcome to an Oddity… <--] Anyways, funny story, Dayna lives with one of our co-workers, and they live together in a house that they have been renting for the last 6 months. For a quick side note, our co-worker Sandra has the ability to fire anyone to say the least….

….Now on with the secret

Now how did I find out about this…?

Well Dayna tells me everything. I was just sitting down at the office and everyone else had gone home except for the maintenance crew that had to do a few repairs to our heating system in the office. She just came up to me, sat down and said.

“Oh my god! I am freaking out right now.”

I asked her… “Why, what’s going on?”

“No, forget about it… I just might have killed Sandra’s dog.”

“What?!?! What the fuck, how did you manage that? Tell me! Seriously!!”

I managed to ask because I really wanted to get some shit to stir the pot up… I still haven’t let Sandra know about this incident but if I ever do, her reaction would be pretty awesome and Sandra and Dayna would most likely have an extremely tough time living together after Dayna’s irresponsible act.

….Now on with the secret

“Ok fine I’ll tell you, but whatever you do swear to god you won’t tell Sandra, because her dog could be dead right now.”

“I won’t. Don’t worry your secrets safe with me.” I replied, laughing to myself in shock.

“It better be because I will flip if she ever found out.”

And it turns out she left her bottles out as I mentioned earlier and at that moment I had no idea if her dog was actually dead or not. So I obviously stressed out a little because I like Sandra a lot more than I like Dayna and the fact that Dayna kept it a secret and did not let Sandra know is a terrible thing to do because if the dog had actually eaten any pills they would be able to make a quick trip to the vet to save the dogs life and have the dogs stomach pumped. Not a very smart move on Dayna’s behalf. Really, fucking, dumb, to tell you the truth. I would have loved to slap her in the face. I still haven't told Sandra about the situation and I don't plan on telling her unless Dayna throws her under the bus... That would be a dumb move and that would give me a great reason to call her a Bitch, but telling you this story is already enough of a virtual slap in the face... That chick deserves it anyways.


Oh yeah and here’s a nice character builder… Dayna loves to flip out and seek revenge and literally make peoples lives fall apart if they mess around with her. She causes a lot of shit and fucks up a lot, but if anyone fucked up around her, she would love to take any chance to throw them under a bus. She would probably throw me under the bus if she read this, but no one has any idea who Dayna really is in reality and no one knows who I am so it doesn’t really matter.

Anyways I am off to work.

Later

Welcome to The Tree Blog

Welcome! This is “The Tree Blog.”... It’s a little different than other typical blogs.

“Why’s that?” You may wonder to yourself.

...Well "The Tree Blog" goes quite in depth about my own personal life, however you will never find out who I really am. I also enjoy bitching about stupid people in my everyday life. I often come across fucked up situations and really weird annoying shit happens to me almost on a weekly basis. This sucks but I deal with it and I decided to write about my situations.

The mind is a powerful tool and the possibilities a mind withholds is unlimited because someone is always formulating a new idea which affects the way we perceive everything in this world. The way you will perceive my life will be brutally honest, yet perhaps so honest that it may not seem real to you at all...

“So what you're saying is this is your own personal diary right?”

Haha… Yeah, you’re NOT right... It’s not like a diary at all... Whether you’re a Jane Doe or a Jon Doe, in reality, we are living, breathing, stories … Everyday we find some time to reflect on our lives and as time goes on, we sometimes wonder how the hell we get ourselves into certain situations and this is something every single one of us can relate to... We all have stories right? I just happen to have terrible luck more often than not.
I would say I'm pretty damn sexy and I'm also in great shape, but sometimes life just treats me like shit and no... I'm not emo either, I just tough it all out. For the most part, this is the main reason I call this the “The Tree Blog” because we are constantly growing like a tree. Like a tree, we start as nothing but a seed and yes…. As rain is to sperm we are nurtured by the effects of Mother Nature to grow and become living breathing objects on this planet we call Earth. Or as many others would call it, this polluted, war struck, sewage seeping dump we call Planet Earth. But as humans are to trees, over time we sprout, we grow, our minds branch out like the limbs of a tree and memories come and go as do leaves on a tree from season to season.

You - “Fuck this is boring”

Me - “… hang in there!”

 As I post on “The Tree Blog” you will experience stories throughout my life that are more involving than others, but as time goes on, like a tree loses it’s leaves every season, you may notice that some stories slip to the side, never to be brought up again. Or some may end up branching out and become extremely complex.
Ironically, I am writing my own story and creating my own future... Yet almost no one knows who is writing this is or who I am because I will never tell you… I am writing a story about a Jon Doe who portrays my character I call Rick. Rick has yet to have any physical characteristics, but as I write you will find that his character grows in time.

You - “Get this fucking over with already… I’m about to exit out of this stupid blog!”

Me- “Shit hold your fucking horses! I’m almost done... God Damn! Can’t I just give you a good feel of
         what you’re about to expect within my blog?”

There are certain goals I want to achieve… One in particular… I never want you to know my true identity… How perplexing?

“Why?” As you wonder to yourself.

Well here’s your answer:

B e  c   a    u     s      e......................

I will always be on your mind, you won’t ever be able to figure out who I am, no matter how hard you research me, or... Google me… I might give you hints, but the possibilities are endless... I’ll just carry on in reality and write about myself on this “The Tree Blog” because I am human, I am extremely complex and I have a story. I can write characters into my life from decisions I make and paths I choose… This may be the most interesting thing I have ever committed too because one thing everyone knows as a true fact is that life is unpredictable right?

We only have one life to live… If we don’t put 100% into ourselves, than how are we going to get anywhere or become someone? I feel sorry for people who put themselves in a repetitive loop and don’t get anywhere in life and just strive to become a “nobody”... They just live and die alone. SNAP, before I drone on…




…And lose your attention, I want you to see me grow as a person and wonder who I am. I’ll make it interesting. I’ll put myself in situations I don’t want to be in, I’ll throw variables in my life that might take you by surprise. But I’m doing this for you… No one wants to read about some boring ass person who games all day and stays cooped up in his room doing nothing right?

You – a) “Agreed!”
           b)  “I disagree, because I’m boring and I like reading about boring people.”
           c) “What the fuck are you high on?”
          
I would hope you answered a) because it is obviously the most acceptable answer… If not some of you may have chosen c) and yes sometimes I get high off of tea bags… There’s one tea bag that gives you nice sharp high for about 5 minutes and yes… Tetley’s makes that shit.

Anyways, I like to study people and their predictable habits… Sometimes I will be cruel and create a situation through conversation in someone else’s life to make my stories a little more interesting. In some senses I will write in a character through my pleasant sociability and write out a character through self ignorance and disinterest. Either way these characters will come back to me with stories that will help shape themselves as a character that I have written into my own life and onto this blog in particular. I like to think that I am wise and I know for a fact that this job I have been at for the last while is boring as fuck, but the people in it are not... My life is interesting though and people like interesting… People like mysterious. Everyone enjoys reading about something that they can’t quite wrap there mind around right?

You –  a) “Agreed!”
           b)  “I disagree, because I’m boring and I like reading about boring people.”

Me -  a) “Fuck you I’m not high on anything right now”

People always like to stay in tune and find out more about fucked up situations in peoples lives… The mind enjoys tackling situations that it can’t quite comprehend and like any story. I am something that you will never quite be able to comprehend no matter how hard you try.

For instance why do we constantly have

“New”

in our lives.… It’s because people like

“New”

they enjoy trends that begin with

“New”

and like many

“New”

things… with Today’s Technology

”New”

becomes “Old”… FAST.. This is a case with many YouTube channels and popular users… The channel can only stay

“New”

for so long right?

"Yes" is what I would assume common sense would lead me to predict what you would say. If you disagree with me than open your eyes to the world... Zippers and sliced bread were great discoveries, but they sure as hell ain't

"New"

anymore... They are "Old" and

"Routine"

In the end routine becomes boring and we stop thinking about it correct?

You - “Correct!”

“Or are you good at reading me if you got that?”

Let’s pass the play on words now and get to the point. Read me, Follow Me, Like Me and become interested in ME. Watch the way life shapes itself behind my character  Rick.
Rick should constantly peak your curiosity and drive you to insanity as you wonder who I am, what I look like and where I live. My identity has been concealed and will stay concealed forever. Like many trends, I won’t phase out…
 I will grow complex like a tree...
So let’s start. I am going to stir the pot up tomorrow or just come home with an interesting story to tell.

Time to write in my first character, let’s call this girl I work with, Dayna… She is a little fucking nuts to say the least… Almost stereotypical in many ways… For instance, she has been with her fare share of guys … Some may call her a slut, sleaze, tramp, wench, whore, hoe, girls at my previous high school, Paris Hilton, or in nice guy terms, very open… Aside from that she always thinks she is pregnant around this time of the month and every second weekend she always thinks she has some kind of sickness or disease. Not to mention she drinks a hell of a lot and I do believe her symptoms of her placebo type sicknesses and diseases are really caused from the copious amount of alcohol she consumes on a daily basis and fluid swap that takes place from the multiple guys she’s been with…I’m surprised she doesn’t have Face Acne for life (in nice guy terms). The body just can’t handle shit like that… I think…
 So conclusion to her symptoms… That drinkin’ and sleepin’ around… Not sure I’d touch her with a 5 foot pole, which is why I always sit or stand at least 5 feet away from her at all times. When I give her a ride home on occasion, I make her sit in the back seat of my vehicle… I get away with this by telling her that I am a terrible driver and my airbags don’t work properly.

I find her a very interesting character in my story though because although she is so stereotypical, although I must say, her stories are unpredictable and they sure as hell CAPTURE my attention as they will capture yours.

Unless you are one of the first few thousand to traipse across this blog, I may already be long gone from my current job when anyone actually finds out I have been writing about them and they may never know who it is because it could be you, or your next door neighbour writing this… Either way… there are billions of people in this world and who’s to say that these similar situations aren’t happening anywhere else? Either way I’m not using there real names so no offence can be taken because this could be about anyone, anywhere… I will leave you at a cliff-hanger and say this much.

You have no idea who I am.

               

                         …Till next time I guess?

Rick